From: ASSC Press
Subject: Pope to undergo operation
Date: 15 Sep 1996 10:36:02

 (c) ASSC Press, Sunday, September 15, 1996

For immediate release:

Pope ALS, who has been plagued by the uncontrollable urge to visit the CP
and other strip clubs on a regular basis since only God knows when, will
have his penis removed by the end of the year, Vatican official, Pureena
Pup, said Saturday.

He described the disease as "a serious addiction that must be treated
immediately for the benefit of mankind".

"This is not a cause for worry now", Pureena Pup said.
"Everything is under control".

A statement released by his doctor, Bob "cut it off!" Smyth, said "All other 
aspects of the pope's health do not give rise for particular concern".
"However", he added, "the operation must go on."

In a statement released by the Pope's love, Edie, it is obvious that she
is extremely upset by the diagnosis and will do all she can to keep the
operation from occuring.  "It is not like it seems", she says.  "He has
complete control over himself and his actions.  What will I do without
it?!", she ponders.

Pope ALS has looked drawn during recent public appearances at the
Chez Paree, his favorite parish, giving rise to reports that his mental health
is degenerating.

Despite the planned removal, Pope ALS will continue with his visits to the
Chez Paree.  Protests against the removal by the Chez Paree dancers will
most likely occur and be lead by CP "superwoman", Molli.  However,
counter protests are planned by other CP patrons including Fingers, Kenzerr,
1 Mo' Bob, and of course, Dr. Bob "cut it off!" Smyth.  "Why should he get all
the glory?", Mr. Fingers asked.  

CP owner, Steve Moses, has refused comment on this rather bizarre turn of
events.
--
am_dew@primenet.com