Webmasters note: 1) This was a great review by LMR. It made me feel like I was there. 2) I also found it funny because ALS was not there, but he responded as if he was. So I combined the two original posts together. ----- >From LapMeRich Sam's Ultimate Topless Dancer Contest Saturday, January 25th, 1997 Sam's Hofbrau in Los Angeles, CA This contest was the culmination or finals of the past six monthly contests held at Sam's Hofbrau. The top prize for the finals was $1000. Ahem, that sure is a lotta lap money. It was raining like crazy and there of course wasn't any parking. Walking several blocks in this neighborhood isn't exactly the best thing to do. But, we made it. There were a total of 11 contestants and of course Pablo, o' blue one, was MC'ing the contest. The place was packed. No, lemme re-phrase that; the place made a can of sardines look loose. Standing room only for sure. Anyway, I brought my younger brother Theo and we were supposed to meet up with Zbone and Dodger. My brother and I walk up towards to DJ booth and see Dodger. After some quick introductions, he introduces me to Saxbeat. Yes, it was him, but I suppose it could have been an imposter. I mean, out of all the local guys, he's one of the few that I had never met for some reason or another. Great to finally meet ya! Dispater was there as well and Zbone was busy distributing the scoring sheets. We all get our scoring sheets and head off to a booth reserved for us. Oh ya, we get to play judges in this thing. And the contest begins! We're supposed to score on Appearance, Performance, and Audience Reaction. =============== 1. ADRIANA Yes, the house dancer/waitress bombshell. She comes onto stage wearing a catwoman outfit. Ow! Bring that kitty this way... LMR: Hey, I like the outfit! Theo: Nice tits Sax: She's a nice gal ya know... Dodger: HEY Sit down in front!! ALS scores Adrianna 10 10 10 My scorecard: 8 7 6 She's hot! Great on the rings and poles, but the crowd was lukewarm. =============== 2. DANNI A brunette I saw at one of Sam's earlier contests. This gal is like a sexier, okay, WAY sexier version of Elaine from Seinfeld. She came on stage with a lil' black one-piece mini-skirt thingie. LMR: Checkout the eye contact boys Theo: wow... she's hot Sax: I see whatcha mean about the eyes Dodger: eh... she's okay, whatcha score her? ALS: 6 7 6 Dispater: SIT DOWN in Front Please!! My scorecard: 8 8 7 The eyes have it. Sensual, sexy, and the crowd was happy! =============== 3. C.C. Very cute brunette that came out in a cocktail dress and NIN's Animal. Sax: I'm dropping a point cuz of the cliche song Theo: Ohh.. I like her. She's pretty. Dodger: GET DOWN IN FRONT!! LMR: Hey, I like the song... she looks like she works at a nude club Sax: Ya, looks like it, checkout that floorwork ALS: Yep, floor looks clean... My scorecard: 8 6 6 Pretty, good flexibility and floorwork, crowd's reaction was okay =============== 4. JAY Skinny gal who didn't seem too much into it. LMR: Hmm.. don't like her tits Sax: Does she realize she's in a contest? Dodger: Down in front!! Theo: I gotta go to the bathroom ALS: Me too. My scorecard: 6 5 5 Lackluster performance, crowd wasn't very supportive =============== 5. RIO Hispanic gal with long curly hair and pouty lips, came out in a red velvet top. Very full curves and started with Super Freak. Theo: She's bigger boned LMR: ya, but she's so sexy, love the hair Sax: ouch, bad job LMR: ah, I didn't see those.. I see whatcha mean, owww... ALS: Oooo, that hurts. My scorecard: 7 6 6 Pretty gal, did an okay job, but others outperformed her. =============== 6. SUMMER An older blonde originally from SF that has done some videos as well. She came out with a leather type outfit with lots of chains and links. Had a dog collar with a leash. Started with Ice T's Body Count. LMR: Ah, Bubba would like her Sax: Ouch, look at her bang herself on the poles Theo: Man, the crowd is going crazy Dodger: I like her Dispater: SIT DOWN in front!! ALS: SHUT UP back there!! My scorecard: 7 7 8 I probably should have scored her a bit higher but the banging against the poles scared me. =============== 7. VANITY A pretty gal with creamy black skin, originally from Bronx, NY. She came out in a teacher outfit with of course Van Halen's Hot for Teacher. LMR: Nice tits... Sax: ya, and they're fake too Theo: what a good job Dodger: ya, those are a good job LMR: Nice tits... ALS: Are we at Hooters? My scorecard: 7 6 5 I liked her looks, but her performance was okay. She didn't know how to use the rings, and did a halfway spin. Zbone probably spins better. The crowd was lackluster. =============== 8. ARDIS A brunette dancer from the Wild Goose, she came out in a bikini and had way too much energy. What's way too much energy? Sax: man, she's on something LMR: I think it's speed Theo: she's trippin on stage! Dodger: uh, she forgot this was topless contest Dispater: I think her friends just reminded her ALS: Tweak 'em if ya got 'em. My scorecard: 6 5 6 She was cute, but man, if she wasn't on something, maybe she should be... valium comes to mind. She had alright polework but was just plain nutty on stage. =============== 9. DOREEN A gal who dances regularly at Angels. She's originally from Hawaii and I've also seen her at a previous Sam's contest. Boy did she bring a big crowd with her. LMR: Hey, I think she brought in half the guys in here! Sax: Nice tits ... real too! Theo: Not my style, but man, the crowd's going crazy Dodger: Hey, who's that gal next to us? I want her! Dispater: SIT DOWN IN FRONT!! ALS: SHUT UP BACK THERE!! My scorecard: 7 7 8 Maybe I underscored her a bit because I've seen her dance before, but she did a perfunctory performance where I think she could have danced better. Maybe such a big cheering crowd doesn't necessarily help that much. =============== 10. ATHENA Ah, the house blonde. In a blue-collar work uniform. She always seem to dazzle. Work them rings baby! LMR: Ah.. I lust this woman! Sax: She is such a pretty blonde Theo: I'm moving closer to stage Dodger: Shut up Pablo and sit down up front!! ALS: Hey Dispater, that beer ain't yours. My scorecard: 8 9 8 Okay, maybe I'm biased, but Athena is hot! She works the poles and rings like there's no tomorrow and had a great set while keeping the audience on it's feet. =============== 11. JESSE A very pretty dirty blonde/brunette from Atlanta who had a big tattoo on her shoulder blade. Very tall and sexy, however, she moved way too fast. Sax: I can't see her face, she's moving too fast LMR: I think she's pretty... hmm.. ya, she's pretty Sax: I still can't tell! ALS: 115 on the Radar. Theo: Ah, nice tits Dodger: SIT DOWN in front!! Sax: I shoulda brought phone books for you two! My scorecard: 7 7 7 Indeed a very pretty gal but she makes it so hard for you to see her! Her moves were just way too fast. Another gal who just needs to slow down. The crowd participated nicely. =============== Afterwards, the cover girl for Private Dancer Monthly came up and did a little show. Tiffany was her name and she was the blonde we were all gawking at earlier in the evening. Fritz is her house club and man, this gal has a nice body. LMR: I like it Theo: I'm going to the stage Z: if she was in the contest she mighta won Dodger: she's your type alright LMR Dispater: Sit down up there!! ALS: I'd vote for her, too... if I was even here. Oh ya, I almost forgot... who won? 1. Summer, 2. Athena, 3. Doreen, and 4th and 5th were Adriana and Danni respectively. I was a bit off in the ranking of the top 5, but they were all in there. Thanks again Z for everything, and Sax, great to meet ya. Dodger & Dispater, good to see you two again, and next time I'm bringing a couple of phone books. ;-) Rich -- Las Vegas Strip Club Review http://members.aol.com/VegasSCR